Last friday I told T that on the drive over I was thinking about how I can't ever believe that I will be in a place to not need her. T was sitting quite deep in her chair and seemed to be really relaxed and very meditative. She instantly replied "well your just have to keep coming" and as she said that, she seemed to "wake up" and put her hand through her hair and then put on her more authoritive voice and add "but we're not near ending yet" then I said, I can't believe you will not be a part of my life at some point in the future, and I started to get emotional. T then said "well it doesn't have to be that way, some people after ending choose to come back every 3months or so, you could always do that, endings don't have to be final"

Firstly I was moved by this option. Maybe she thinks that given time I wont really need to return periodically, and was making the offer as a comfort gesture, not that I don't believe it wasn't genuine, I know it was.

Secondly, I was touched by the way her first response was almost spontantious, not coming from the therapist, but coming from her the person. The scene of her putting her hand through her hair and putting herself back into her therapist role, was really nice.

Its so nice holding the idea of having a connection to T that need never cease completely. Though I am open to fact that I will be a different person in time to come and my need for T will change. Still, its nice!