Thanks everyone. I wrote this on a bad day. :/

I am trying to be more aware of my own feelings, speaking up when it happens while also not getting hooked by it all. I can say that my partner is more aware and open to reflection since we've been in counseling but when she's having a bad day— it doesn't seem like anything can stop that train.

She no longer asks "WHAT is wrong with you?" (I told her a couple of times, "nothing is wrong with me, and I don't want to hear that question anymore!" She has relented) but she will still default to some form of questioning/emphasizing what I'm doing wrong instead of just stating what she wants or what she is irritated by.

The hard part of course, is that I know she loves me. She is reading some books on mindfulness, trying to get her own anger and self-loathing issues in control. We are getting better overall.

I think the trick for, me again, is not getting sucked in and/or going there myself when it happens.

It's like we patched a big hole in the roof but there are still small drips seeping through. The little leaks are no less important but can be that much harder to track down the source.