My t just left practice to have a baby. She said she may come back in a few years, but in the mean time I feel abandoned. Part of my wants to call her so badly, but another part is so angry. I feel so hurt, and part of me wants to her to hurt too. Part of me wants to just scream, part of me wants to cry. I feel like I have been stomped on, and squashed like a bug. I opened up to her and I trusted her, but she left just like other people have. I feel irrational for feeling so hurt, but I can’t help it. I mean I know having a baby is a reason a lot of people stop working for periods, but I feel like I am being ripped apart from the inside. I have been through a few therapists before, but none that I connected with as much. I’ve even had therapists tell me that they won’t see me anymore, and that didn’t hurt as badly.

Now I have to start over, and it feels so hard. I’m afraid to open myself up again to someone new. I don’t want to feel so vulnerable and little anymore. I don’t want to get attached. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. I want to be better now, but I feel like I’m backtracking.