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amuseable said:
[he has said] this may be the most important relationship in my life and it is okay and it is a treasure to cherish. he never makes fun of me at all about my feelings for him. I have had sexual fantasies about him a few times over the years and he knows that too. It has been so brutal for me dealing with this issue of my feelings because of my history with my father .........Thank you thank you thank you. I can't wait to tell my T about it!

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i can relate with the sexual feelings and fantasies and the difficulty dealing with it in the present because of the past.

My therapist knows of my sexual fantasies. And I too often write things out, because I don't know how to speak them out loud. I like to write (want to do that for a living) and have written out my fantasies in short story form...and gave it to her in 3 stages. The last one ended up being very explicit. I'm still not sure how comfortable she was with the details. (But it was basically me pleasuring her and when it came to her pleasuring me, it organically came out in the writing that I couldn't let her do it and I fell away and wanted to run away.) Upon discussing the it, my T was very careful (it seemed) to not talk about any of the things in an explicit way. One session I went through an exercise (knowing and telling her it was an exercise) and wrote out this things and spoke it to her, expressing my love and that I was declaring my intent of us becoming wed someday. It was an exercise, just to say something over the top and it see how felt. And it was connected to me giving her a "prop" gift. Not a "real" gift that was over the top and intimate.

What I really would love to do is just kiss her long and deeply. And she knows that too. Forget the explicit sexual act. A kiss of that type seems much more intimate than anything else. But "luckily" (or not so luckily to some parts of my emotions) she has never done anything to make that kiss seem possible.

My sexual abuses earlier in life and an oversexualized relationship with my mother has sullied my ability to have relationships without sexualizing them.

....And no need to thank me in any way. I selfishly made the poll and question for myself.....and was just building off of questions others have posted in other forum threads (like pinksoil's threads). But I don't want to diminish our "thanks" so I'm glad though it has been constructive for you to have this post.