Thank you so much for your replies everyone. It means a lot to me. The more I want to quit drinking it seems the stronger my will to drink is. As I read your replies I am strangely shocked that I actually have a problem. I am always making excuses for it. At the moment I am getting away with it but I do know that the consequences are waiting for me somewhere down the path. I am seeing my T next wednesday and will talk strategies with him to get me through till I see my pdoc in two weeks time. It is summer here so it is doubly hard to give up drinking in this beautiful weather and with all the social occasions.

My mood is all over the place. I get crazy happy and energetic then very irritable, dark and intense. There is no stability, no solid ground beneath me so I am finding it very difficult to stop drinking as it helps me calm down (at least at the time). I have PRN meds and I am now taking them during the day so at least I am not drinking during the day like I was but I can't seem to get myself to take them in the evenings instead of drinking. I am beginning to get really scared about the crash down from this. Apart from my drinking I am trying to stabilize myself in other ways like getting good sleep(with meds or I won't sleep), getting daily exercise by swimming and using mindfulness meditation.
I am really scared right now. My moods are frightening when mixed.