I'm not one to hop in a religious topic, one thing I do want to ask and maybe you have shared this before and I missed it ...if so I apologize..

Why not go back on a small dose of benzo to take that edge off? People that go through such terrible hell long past the average detox shouldn't be left to suffer . I don't know if the choice was yours to stop or not.

I'm sorry your feeling so lost on all levels