I am not indifferent at all....I am wishing to be forward moving and feel with his absence...like there is a brick wall there for the moment.

When I started weekly he was following for my meds and probably my depression or both as they interchanged.

He is solid in timeframe generally but this last time I nailed him on wanting to come weekly and he is on the same page. I am pretty adamant about having my times be regular, same day...same time... like my space. Business.

Yes I want to go to scarey places... and get through them... start digging.... I have been ambivalent lately as I have not been sure on both of our parts in terms of sharing this amount of anger... or emotions.

I have trouble sometimes with discussions that sometimes I think there are altercations when they are actually discussions... need to work on that too...and hope to with in this framework. No you are on target except that I am feeling solid about going forward....and think he does too.

He actually looked disappointed that he would be gone this week...given I think where I am... but could be that he just did not want to do what he is doing this week. But I do think it was me... as I see vestment and I think his way of caring.

I suppose if any indifference ... it would be my anxiety level right now of not quite knowing what to do with myself in the mean time. Going swimming again in an hour...sigh... like it though... and it helps for a bit.