Thanks Seeker and FeFe. I need to be reminded and not blinded of what really has taken place. I ready your posts and am back to reality. Seeker, through counseling I think I'm finding out that I don't love him...that so much has gone on that I am actually starting to detest him. But being together so long in "hopes" puts me into feeling I will stay because of the house and kids. I CANNOT get past the voicemail messages and him telling me he never heard them. He is flat out lying and I think about this 95% of my day. It's killing me and I can't seem to get past it.

I pretend in front of him that I'm working on ME to make a better ME. But I'm actually trying to find out how to survive day and by feeling so sad.

FeFe, he will play the minds games of "when have I ever disrespected you" "you don't trust me because you don't love me" "I love you but you dont' love me" "if you stood by my side we wouldn't be going thru all this crap" ... so there again, it's ME and it works...I start believing it's me and then I go into this shell....((

I have counseling today at 4. I will share how it goes...thanks you guys!