So I'm currently going through a really rough time and feel like I could use more support. It's not related so much to old trauma as to current stress and poor coping. My partner is going through a scary major depression and might need to hospitalized, I'm dealing with pretty heavy eldercare responsibilities involving lots of travel, my toddler often doesn't sleep through the night and my job is very demanding. As I've mentioned before here I have a lot organizational and financial difficulties and feel totally overwhelmed by things like car repairs, bills, taxes etc. I have a few friends nearby (and others who are far away) but I don't know to what extent I can lean on them and haven't really told them too much about what's going on.

Yesterday I saw my T after a three week break and had a kind of difficult session where I somehow didn't get a chance to talk about everything (because there's so much and we got stuck on a single issue) and I later emailed her and asked if I could have an extra session today. Miraculously, she had a spot at a time I could make. It was so helpful. I feel so supported and less crazy and alone.

I think the continuity of two days in a row is very good for me because I can take up where I left off more easily. I have this thing where even after three years of weekly sessions with her and a pretty warm relationship she feels like a stranger sometimes and it often takes me about 15 minutes just to get past my awkwardness at getting reacquainted. I'm not sure what that's about but i suspect that my irrational conviction that she hates me which I still feel from time to time has something to do with it.

I think it would probably be very helpful to me if I could see her twice weekly for a while. But I feel somehow like that's just crazy indulgent and while I could probably swing it financially at least temporarily it feels hard as I'm in debt and have lots of other obligations. I also feel somewhat shy about asking her which is ridiculous but that's me. What do you guys think? What's up with feeling shy? I think it would feel terrible if I asked and she couldn't accomodate me plus I have a lot of shame around needing her at all. What should I do?