Hi.
I, too, have been in that dark place, in the not too distant past. Still in and out of there, actually. I also turn my anger inward and sometimes it just eats and eats at me. Sometimes I do things to release it. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is that I promised I wouldn't leave my children without a mother. I grew up without one (abandoned by Mom at age 4) and don't want my children to go through the same stuff I did. (And still going through.)

Take Care. Someone very wise posted on here trying the saying. "Don't do it. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT". It's helped me several times since I read it.

Much luck to you!