Hi FJ,
Wow, that's a lot of stress for you at the moment. It's too much for one person to deal with alone. I can understand your irrational that's about your t hating you but you recognise and admit they are irrational. That extra session this week was a great help to you and I suspect going twice weekly temporarily till your partner gets better and is able to support you too, that the extra support from your t will get you through this hard phase.
I am sorry to hear about your partner and I hope she comes through this depression soon.

I can understand your fear about taking a risk and asking your t and the fear of rejection . these are very real fears and experiences for you and somewhere along the way you learned not to ask for help when you really need it and that's very sad because right now you really need it. When you get the support you need you will be able to cope with all of this without being overwhelmed by it.
Shame is a toxic feeling but also a very real one, we all have it but but is particularly toxic when we learn not to ask for help anymore. It's not wrong to need help and support, we all need help sometimes and I think your t will agree that you need the extra support now.