Quote:
Originally Posted by NonBinaryHamster
Thanks for the advice. I decided last night to show him how it affects me. He got really down about it and said he'd stop.. Which isn't exactly what I want either, as it goes back to the thought of my orientation being more important than his..
Most of the other advice I've gotten is that I'm only in my early 20s and that I should end it and look for another ace that wants the same thing. But it's not something I want to give up on. At least until I know I've tried my best to work something out.
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I definitely don't think this means your orientation is "more important" than his! (And even if you weren't ace, he would need to respect your wishes if you don't want to have sex!) It's really messed up that the default in relationships is assumed to be "you will have sex with your partner, unless you specifically say otherwise" as opposed to "you will only have sex if both partners want and agree to it." You're not withholding anything from him, or forcing him to bend to accommodate you; all you're doing is choosing not to participate in an activity that's unpleasant for you. If he can't accept that, he doesn't deserve to be with you, honestly.