Bummer, I lost my long response!

I actually *failed* to give them a price. The conversation just took this weird turn. They're telling me that it is 'up to me' and that I have to decide what I want to do before we move on to the next round of interviews. I couldn't figure out what they wanted me to say, so I just said I had to think about it.

In the first interview, the guy had talked about 'outrageous salary demands.' My friend found out the salary range. I would be asking for something at the top end of that range. She thought it was reasonable, but who knows if they will at this point. They have to figure out that there's a reason they haven't hired anyone yet, right?

They were unexpectedly awarded a contract and have to ramp up in the next two weeks. It involves a lot of IT work. I offered to handle that on a contract basis - nope, not interested. Why? I just feel like there is this subtext that I am not getting - and maybe it doesn't really matter if I get it or not.

While I still find their attitude towards my profession disturbing, I am less concerned about interference. They have no idea what they are missing. They were describing some of their processes and I was just aghast - I think they are missing out on a ton of efficiencies. They have no idea what they are doing or what ought to be done.

The sick to my stomach feeling is probably primarily driven by the fact that I do not want a day job. Depending on how you count, I have had 2-4 years to build a business and set myself up so that I don't need a day job. I am now suddenly confronted with the reality that I have frittered away my time and very, very soon will need a job. This job isn't ideal, but the upside is that I could possibly work part time and still put away money for my next sabbatical.

But then there's something in the back of my mind telling me that I shouldn't give up hope, that I should get my ***** in gear -- but, really, if I haven't done that already, how likely is it?? Like today, I am writing this post, still in pajamas, and planning on driving out to a town 30 minutes away to check out a museum exhibit.

To top the night off, I joined a board of directors for a business association. Last night was my first meeting - and it was just uncomfortable in a variety of ways. I met someone younger than me who was talking about her various businesses in third world countries, and the spin offs she is planning this year, and I'm thinking, I do not fit in with these people...

So, long story not that short, I am just hit with this pervasive and overwhelming feeling of failure.