Quote:
Originally Posted by archipelago
I have had both. I had an insecure attachment style that would have been called avoidant or in adult terms dismissive, which means that when I was distressed as a child I didn't seek out comfort because in my case no one would have provided it. So I developed a premature independence, or at least the appearance of that. Avoidant/dismissive does not mean you do not want an attachment; you do, but it means that there is something blocking the way, usually fear which in my case was caused by abandonment and neglect.
In therapy I worked this through in the transference/countertransference dance, where attachment needs were reactivated and I was able to do reparative work. This took time and lots of patience, but apparently it is possible to become securely attached even with a difficult background.
In moments of distress, I do now seek out comfort and am able to trust. I had to make friends with all sorts of emotions that I had blocked off, but that actually felt good to do after getting used to it. I also had to be gentle with myself when I went through needy periods, which tended to be in relation to my therapist not to others.
.
|
This is me! My T. has finally told me she cares about me, I've told her I love her. I should be thrilled that we are connected yet I constantly fight it. I want it so bad and then when I get it, I'm mad I want it. I asked her last night about attachment issues. We've never discussed it and she doesn't like to discuss anything but feelings because she knows I will get focused on the "how" instead of sharing my feelings. She told me I didn't have attachment. Not the style or anything - that it isn't there. My husband was with us so I didn't ask any questions but Im guessing mine is avoidant. I'm always worried she will change her mind or abandon me. Last session I told her I don't like wanting the connection. She said but if you don't feel the connection, you're going to feel abandoned. Yup.
It's so weird - I just can't accept it and move on. I hate that I'm fighting something so good.