I have a PPO. In general, I suppose my insurance has been very good at paying.

But since I've been going 3 years and I have not improved as quickly as they would like according to their "one-size-fits-all" approach to therapy....they began that questioning of my progress. And in essense it made me question myself and continues to make me question myself. Before the insurance began to question, I was steaming along in therapy (from my estimation) and focusing on the task at hand (i.e. the things that caused me to seek therapy in the first place, things that were there before i even knew my therapist existed or even had this insurance provider). But the insurance questioning threw that proverbal wrench into the gears and i was no longer steaming along.

I contacted the insurance company and wrote two explicit letters describing how they have injured me with their tactless and cold approach. It wasn't even about how much they paid or not paid, but just how they handled expressing themselves and how, if they were more considerate and had more tact they could have avoided me thinking something is wrong with me.

My most recent letter really laid things out explictly and i likened them to: a masked stranger pulling me into a back ally and violating my most private parts, all the while whispering, “This is for your own good,” in a sweet, but self-indulgent and immoral tone. So, finding myself in that horror, I begin to shut down. I just give in, close myself up once again until another of my life’s violations is over. Then I go bury myself somewhere in isolation, physically throttling myself and calling myself horrible things.

There were other things in the letter, but it was enough to make them start a review and, although I had to call the representative who is handling it, the representative spoke to me for about an hour and was very apologetic about the entire thing.

I still don't think they "get it", because I still have to figure a way to help my emotions to know i'm not forever broken and unfixable, to help my emotions see i am not beyond hope.

before the insurance injected their opinion into the process, my therapist's belief in me was strong enough help me believe there was hope. not so easy now.