This sounds all too familiar!!! I have two young children who were 6 and 3 when I finally left...Divorce was final this December after 3 years (Kids now 9 and 6) of continued issues with manipulative tactics-some successful, some not, leading to the stalling, postponement, renegotiation.... Then, after 5 times in court (2 for mediation related to child access schedule - I had to give him 50% custody), and 3 dates at settlement court (He did not want to provide me with anything from his secret pot of finances, so I sucked a lot up, but had a good lawyer who did not give up getting fairest deal for me possible) we were officially divorced. Since I make more money, I did give up any right to a lot that I could have in the future, but decided I didn't care because it was going to FINALLY be over! If we didn't settle then, we would have had to go to expensive trial and all records he never provided would have been required..... He didn't want that!
along the path toward divorce (and before, of course) there was also abusive language, anger, resentment, taking no responsibility - its' all me, of course because it couldn't possibly be him (we tried 3 different couples counselors prior to separation and he had a reason why each one was not qualified to help us!), lies, financial withholding, and worst of all NO FILTER for how to behave and what to say in front of the kids!! They are doing okay...My older child - 9 year old boy, has been in counseling for anger management and dealing with anxiety, but he's making progress. Younger daughter seems less affected.
I did not mean to write so much! Hopefully some of it is helpful.