My therapist recommended I recall some of the things my caregivers did in my childhood that made me furious. But how can I? I had dismissive disorder that started around age four. I shut down and became a tough gal instead of crying or cringing. I got so I would never give anyone credit for being able to hurt my feelings. ditto for anger. I refused to show anger because it meant they were getting to me. I can remember some cruel abuse, but how can I get angry when I never let myself feel? It's just intellectual now, it seems. I can see how my caregivers and relatives were stupid, but I can't connect with emotions
I never let myself have.