Hi Hvert,

Oh no, I didn't realize that you weren't able to give them a price at all when you were there! But, it's still a good learning opportunity... you have a better feeling for how weird that stuff can be and how you react, so next time you're selling your services, you might prepare a bit differently (maybe?). It's a real shame that they're so bonkers, it sounds like they could really benefit from your experience.

I know what you mean about feeling like "I haven't done it, even when the conditions were optimal - so what are the chances I'll do it now." But, you know, we can always change our path. I guess the question is: do you really want to do it? I think starting and running your own business takes an incredible amount of energy, and an ability to go and hustle up business. I've often wanted my own business (and I have a couple tiny websites that bring in some affiliate money), but... honestly... I'm not sure I could deal with the headache of actually running a business. (Maybe it gets easier if you're successful enough to hire as assistant? Or marketing help?)

How do you feel about 3 days a week? Would that give you enough time to start pursuing contract or freelance work on the side? If you want to get away from needing a day job, I bet that could work... the 3 days a week would give you some steady income and a reference of sorts, but still leave you some time to do side projects and build up a client list. It's a thought, anyway. If it works, you could eventually quit the 3-days a week and do your own work full-time.

I think I'd love working three days a week (though maybe not with a company that didn't appreciate or understand what I do). I'd think that would still leave you ample time to relax, visit museums, exercise, and take care of yourself. Especially if you're able to get the salary you want, so that you have an income that you're comfortable with.

Awhile ago, I had looked into job sharing - where two people share one job, and both work ~3 days/week. I kind of loved the idea, but I don't think my company would ever go for that, and since I'm single, I'm not sure I want to live on half my salary. (And my therapy is sadly expensive!) It's an interesting idea though, and it seems to me that's a good way to still bring in some income and have some stability, while giving yourself time to enjoy life and take care of yourself.

Anyway, I don't think you should give up hope either. Just because you haven't done something doesn't mean you can't or won't. It's just a matter of priorities, and what you want to do. You might think about *why* you didn't do it though, so you can figure out what's blocking you...

Anyway, I think it's great that you were able to send them your salary requirements! It seems like they want you (since they keep pursuing you), so maybe they'll actually be able to meet them. I think that even if it's high - so what. You're bringing a lot to the table that they can't even recognize (though in that case, it might be helpful if you can articulate some of that - you know, if you had a way to explain to them all the places you'd actually save them money or headaches, for example). Good for you!

I'm glad you're liking the communication book! Cool stuff, for sure! It kind of explains alot, doesn't it... all those conversations with guys that just wouldn't let you get a word in edgewise, lol. I can't remember if it's that book or another one (same author) where she also talks about how some people come from families that pause while talking and others don't.

So that works like this... if your family pauses in conversation, you grow up learning to wait for a pause to speak, and expecting a pause, and not speaking until it's your "turn". If your family *doesn't", you grow up learning to just in to conversations even when other people are talking, and also not stopping when you're talking to give others a chance (b/c you assume people will interrupt when they want to talk).

When you get these people together in a conversation - oh yikes - pain. I come from a "pausing" family and find it so hard, especially with certain people at work (!), who will just talk over me (*sad!*) or not leave space for me to jump in. It's awful! (Hmmm actually I wonder if this is something I should talk to T about, maybe we can practice... he's a guy, so he can probably talk talk talk and let me try to interrupt - ha!)

Such interesting stuff though!

re: The job, yeah, it's weird. Some people definitely tell me that I should be grateful. I think my T might think this, we haven't dived into it too much, but it's stressful and crazy-making. There are so many reasons that it's not good, I think that there are a lot of good things one can get from a job (a sense of community, the feeling of contributing to something, feeling productive, feeling competent, learning new skills, being valued, etc.) and I think when you don't get anything to do - all that sort of goes out the window.

Anyway, I'm keeping busy learning the design program, so that's good. And, honestly, I'm spending too much time thinking about therapy stuff... it's going to be a long road for me, I think, and I'm really just getting started, so it's sort of overwhelming at times. It's easy for me to pick a therapy-topic and start googling - and to get totally sucked into reading about it (and waste a ton of time). So, maybe the job is OK for now . I'm enjoying learning the new program, even though it's a little frustrating at times.

re: Touching base with the woman... you know, I guess I'm afraid that she hasn't said anything because she's really disappointed in what I sent over, and doesn't know how to tell me. My friend hasn't been in touch either. So, partly I'm afraid of being a pest (being too pushy when she's busy with work) and partly I hate to put her in the position of saying, "I'm sorry, the work was not really that good... I'm not sure we can use you on this team." I did warn her that I didn't have graphic skills, so my designs are more information-architect-like, pretty plain, but very functional and well thought out from an interaction perspective, and she said she was fine with that.

I don't know, what do I say? "Hey there, I haven't heard anything since I sent you the samples... did you have a chance to look at them?"

What I want to say is to reassure her, like, "You know, I understand these might not be what you're looking for right now. I'm continuing to grow my design skills, and I'd love to keep in touch with you and see if there might be a better fit in the future." I don't know, maybe it's too formal. It's hard since my friend is good friends with her, and it feels like that relationship should be a bit transitive, but I don't know her that well... though she's friendly, we still don't know each other well.

I am really encouraged by the support of the two women on my team, who offered their help with learning this tool though. I think they both want me to be happy and want to help me get more design work, so that's good (one of them is a peer of my boss, so technically a level above me).

Oh well. Happy Friday! So nice to have a weekend! I'm trying to get back on my healthy-eating-plan (oh the pain!) and will probably spend most of Saturday in bed, detoxing from too much yummy chocolate this week! Hope you have a fun weekend!