In some ways I can relate. The past few years I've chosen not to date or be in a relationship. I receive signals occasionally from members of the opposite sex but I choose not to acknowledge or act on them. I've even gradually made a break with close friends and formerly close family members. There are a few exceptions but very few and even those are kept at a distance. I do have a gf/soulmate and there is a strong bond there, but we are separated by thousands of miles. We've never actually even met and probably never will. There is a deep commitment though although I think she is the one who really keeps the lines of communication open.
I'm not sure I know the reasons this situation has evolved. Maybe I've lost faith in people. Maybe I like keeping myself all to myself. Maybe I've just lost interest for reasons unknown or too complex to fathom. Most of my life I've had an intense social life and relationships but I've always had this line that no one is allowed to cross.
Anyway, while there are distinct differences in us there are similarities if that helps.
If it makes you sad then maybe deep down you do want something different. If so, I hope you're able to resolve this.