A little history: Thanksgiving, 2013, my fiancee spent the night with her ex husband, came home, and kicked me out. By mid January (2014), she had broken up with him and was begging me to take her back (we stayed in contact because I couldn't just abandon the kids--her kids; not mine). I approached with caution, and finally started staying at her place the last week of October. Three days ago, she told me she felt she wanted to work things out with her ex (yes, the same ex) and she wanted me to leave... again.

I have spent the better part of a decade with her. I knew going into the relationship that she could not have any more children, and, having none of my own, I chose to be a father to hers rather than finding someone else and having natural children. The only thing about that decision that's ever bothered me is, the kids call the ex daddy even though he shows no interest unless he's behind on his child support and about to go to jail.

Anyway... I am now trying to figure out why I fell for her in the first place, why I went back, why I didn't leave when I found out she was talking to him again (about a month ago, though they had probably been talking for awhile by then), and why every relationship I've ever been in, with two exceptions, have been full of lies, manipulation,and betrayal.

On paper, the answer is simple: this is textbook codependency. I don't come into a relationship as an equal; I bend over backwards to please and never say 'no' no matter how overwhelmed or uncomfortable I am. The solution, on the other hand is... anything but simple. I'm working on my codependency issues as best I can, but my Asperger's makes it impossible to see underlying motives. In myself, in others, in the present, or in the past. I can't guess what a person is thinking, wanting, or feeling, which makes me easy prey for manipulative people, users, and narcissists.

How do I learn from the past if I can't see it clearly? How do I feel and express my emotions when I barely know what my emotions are? How do I set boundaries in relationships when I can't tell if those boundaries are being crossed?