Hi Bipolarchick

I am sorry to hear that you are not in a good place right now.

When we feel like this we wonder where the stability is and why things are just so unpredictable for us.

I completely hear you on the job situation. I climbed the corporate ladder in my previous job and then crashed and burned until there was no way but out. I'm not suggesting that is where you are headed, people do and can rebuild and restructure after an episode, very successfully actually.

I can sometimes feel anxiety in crowded situations and a lot has to do with my current mood. I think that it's very brave of you to have made the effort to go. That is so important. That we take time out for ourselves, even when we don't want to.

It's not asking for too much to have friends that you can laugh around and joke with. We all need that. I must say if I had a friend at work bragging about success - grrrrrr - my devil horns would come out!

I think the steps that you are taking are extremely proactive and I admire your resiliance. You're getting out there. You are looking after yourself physically. Yes, sometimes progress does feel like it's slow - sometimes it is a case of one step forward and one step backwards and then two steps forward. We need to move slowly with it. People that don't have this don't get it, so it would be a normal assumption for your brother to think you have a "choice". Well, sorry brother, we didn't choose a chemical imbalance. We don't choose our mood episodes. We don't choose to become depressed. We don't choose to become manic. Sigh.

We care about your current thoughts.

Yes, I do understand that you face the complexities of your job.

But.

What's more important?

Looking after yourself and your mental wellbeing so you will be well in the long term, or .... ? What? If you balance the scale, sometimes we are only left with one choice - getting the medical help that we deserve - and you deserve help right now, because you are worth it!

To be honest you CAN'T answer the question if your life is worth living right now.

How do I know this?

Because you're depressed.

Can I make any important decisions when I am depressed?

Nope. I can't.

September 2014 I thought that's it. I'm done. And, I was really close to being done when by luck of the draw I received intervention.

It's January 2015 right now and boy - am I SO GLAD it never happened that way.

I am HERE.

I have a changed outlook.

Since feeling that way and being that close I had a complete overhaul of my meds.

I am doing so much better.

I only tell you this because depression does not last f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

Oh hell yeah it certainly feels like it when we're in it, doesn't it?

But the reality is the chemical imbalance will adjust itself.

It will.

It always does.

So don't you go be making any decisions about your future.

You can't.

You need to hang in there.