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Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer
Asia, seeing that you've gone through so much with intense attachment to therapists and terminations, would you consider trying a type of therapy that puts less focus on attachment and more on revealing and understanding emotions and thoughts or skill-building? Maybe group therapy or CBT-focused therapy. Maybe time-limited groups that would prevent the shock of sudden termination.
I see so much pain in these forums related to attachment and termination and have trouble understanding how it can be helpful. I also consider therapy a series of steps and sometimes groups and skill-building can be an important step that prepares us for the intensity of individual therapy where attachment and transference are more likely to take place.
I wish you the best and hope you find some good therapeutic situations.
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I've done some CBT in the past. It is useful. However, for me, I feel like I want to work WITH the attachment stuff not against it. It's something that keeps popping up and I'm curious about it and anxious to resolve it. I don't believe it can be resolved by avoiding it, you know?
I know what you're saying though about getting the skills to deal with it first.
I have learned from my recent termination experience a lot about myself. I have discovered an inner strength I didn't know I had. I've learned that my attachment style coupled with the trauma history caused me to dissociate a lot in my last therapy and I failed to realise the extent of it. So did my therapist.
Since I've not had therapy for about 3 months now, I've been really stable, I do have coping mechanisms. I am in quite a good place actually.
I think if I go back to therapy, it will inevitably be triggered again, because that's where the wounds are and it's a pattern that will repeat until it's resolved.
I feel like to not work on it would be a disservice to myself. To avoid the intensity of my attachments kind of feels like I'm denying part of me, and like I should feel shame for the intensity and for the feelings and I'm finished with feeling ashamed of needing my therapist's. I am not going to apologise for being a product of my pre-verbal trauma. I am not going to push away these truths that are mine. I am not going to allow myself or therapist's make me feel guilty for needing or for the intensity of my needing. Because it's just a phase, a part of normal emotional development except I didn't get to finish that phase as a child, so it resides within me now.
What I need is a therapist who's own attachment style is secure or at least resolved, and can confidently "hold" me within the process. One who can tolerate the intensity and the complexity of it all.