Elin,

You are not alone. For my whole life, I have had a tendency to form easy and strong attachments to people who are basically casual acquaintances. The objects of my attachment are usually around the same age as my parents. I attribute this to the fact that my parents were alcoholics throughout my childhood, and I could not count on them to make good decisions for me or themselves. When a teacher, family friend, or health care provider showed concern and compassion for me (or otherwise gave me positive attention), I would immediately become very attached to that person and imagine all sorts of fantasy scenarios where that person was a family member who loved me. Now, though I am an adult, I still struggle with this. It is nothing romantic or sexual...I just find myself desiring a close relationship with these people and wanting them to take care of me.

Most recently, I became attached to a doctor who was very kind to me and provided wonderful care when I needed it. He is about my father's age, as usual. I spend a lot of time during the day thinking about him, fantasizing about situations where I run into him and have an interaction, and about ways that I can maintain a connection with him even though I am no longer his patient. I have done some things I'm not proud of. I regularly look at his wife's Facebook page and his son's Instagram account, for example. Their privacy settings are such that I can see pictures, and sometimes they will post pictures of him. I also have looked up some (free) background information on him. I could tell you a lot about his life just from the information that is readily available on the internet. Too much. I'm pretty much obsessed. I have wondered if what I am doing could be considered stalking, but I don't know. I would never do anything like drive by his house or follow him or anything over the top like that. I would never call him on the phone, even though after our last appointment he told me I could (I didn't ask for that...he just volunteered it, but I wouldn't). I don't think he has any idea I feel the way I do. At least, I certainly hope not. I will never cause a problem for him or do anything to make him or his family uncomfortable. I just wish things could be different. Basically, I wish he were my dad. My own dad is pretty messed up, and as far as our relationship, he takes way more than he gives.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I'm right there with ya girl.