Amayastar, I certainly do relate to what's happening with you. I'm sure your T is fully trained to deal with your conflicting feelings and emails, and seems to care a lot, too. I think it would be good to email to T that last part of your post about your fears that T won't understand how serious this all is for you. Also see if you could get a phone call through. Usually the receptionists will allow an important phone call. I know it feels like personal rejection when T doesn't get back soon enough, but most likely something came up, and not rejecting of you.