I understand a lot of your post. I was the leader of the technology program at my school - but I could barely handle it. I went in to the new school year severely depressed and couldn't get out of it. I was known as the teacher who never smiles among my students. Then I had to go out on leave for three months. Now I've lost the technology director position but I haven't lost my job. I do understand not feeling well enough to get another job though. Mine is too stressful so I'm looking for another one, but i'm scared I won't be able to present myself well enough in an interview.

But all that aside, I agree with hooligan above. I was in a terrible place in October. I'd been depressed since May. I though this is it. This is what my life has come to. It will never be any better. But I was lucky. A pdoc listened to one of my suicidal rants and put me in the hospital. In there I started the slow recovery process. I received ECT treatments and though it took six weeks, I finally started to feel better. And now I've been stable for almost two months. And this is the second time this has happened to me - so I'm living proof that depression doesn't last forever. You WILL get through this. You just have to stay alive to find out. It's worth it.