A couple weeks ago my mother brought up my sisters ex. This isn't uncomon for her she brings up my first boyfriend often even tho I'm married with two kids. Anyways my sisters ex wasn't a good guy, not even a good match for my sister. He was verbally and physically abusive (I'm not sure if my mom knew about the physical abuse) he didn't work, he would work my sister up, he was jealous and he got arrested a few times while they were togethet mostly drunk in publics and peeing in public but my sister bailed him out of it Everytime. So anyways my mom lamented that she wished it would have worked out between them. This wasn't the first time I had heard her say this and she caught me on a frustrating day so I didn't spare her feelings. I says mom don't say that, don't mention his name again. Don't you know how bad that hurts (my sister). I reminded her how horrible he was and that he was no prize to see leave. She got really angry and told me how I didn't under stand, and wouldn't until my kids were older. I said mom I know what you are trying to say but talking about these people like this just makes us feel like we did wrong in walking away. It comes off as if you could have just put up with it then it would be better. Anyways it ended in a scream match and not good.

I know I probably could have talked to her about it in a nicer way but am I wrong? She should know how it feels, she's divorced from our father and flips out when we do anything with him. I realize that they had a different relationship that we have with him so I try to not bring him up. But am I wrong for not wanting to hear how things would be better if my sister had stayed with her ex. Or if had stayed with mine? My husband is a kind man, a great husband and an amazing father, why do I need to hear about the kid I dated 10 years ago, why does my sister need to hear about mr wrong when her whole life is ahead of her.

I have been dealing with a lot of emotional manipulation, codependency and verbal abuse in my relationship with my mother. I'm trying to make it work and stand my ground but I am still uneasy about doing so. She still tries to be my all knowing mother but I'm not putting my finger in a light socket, I'm living life and what might be right for me isn't right for everyone. Just want to know if I am compleatly wrong or not. It's hard telling your parents that they aren't right.

Thank you for the input. hugs, this site is amazingly helpful.