Hi!

I am going to tell my T on Friday that I was sexually abused (You can read my story at the "Survivors of Abuse borad "My story: I was sexually abused but ignored it for a long time). Well... at least that is a plan.

I really trust my T and last week I had a small brakthrough as I told her about my self-harming. But SA is something I have never told anyone and even thinking about this makes me feel really ashamed, depressed, panicky. I have to tell her about this as I am having flashbacks for a couple of weeks (maybe I have PTSD) and I am starting to loose control over my mind. I started thinking about self-harming again (so far I was able to distract myself and not do anything but it's getting harder to do) and have suicidal thoughts (but no plan, just a thought that I wish I was dead). I am afraid I will have panic attack while talking about this and the only thing that helps me while having a panic attack is going outside for a walk and smoking, both of which obviously can't be done during session.

I want to talk to her about it as since then I was unable to be in relationship as I hate being touched by people (it feels very disgusting...).

How would you approach it? How do you deal with panic attacks during session?

All the best!