Today I broke down in tears in front of my family. I told them how I felt like a loser. How I have the capacity to control my life but I'm not strong enough to follow through. My father told me that I should make a schedule to help me get on track. Ever since I was hospitalized for depression and anxiety back in 2013 I have been "trying" to establish a schedule. Never has it worked out.

I told him that the biggest change I've made in the past six months was cleaning my room. He corrected me. He reminded me that I have already made a big change in my life. Ever since my junior year of high school I have been pursuing a career in the field of nursing. I am a registered care giver and certified nursing assistant. After high school I got a job working at an amazing Alzheimer/Dementia care home, or community as we preferred to call it. I lasted exactly one month in that job.

The special kind of stress involved with that job proved too much. So I resigned. I had an anxiety attack at work. Going back to work there knowing the potential for me to have another break down proved too much.

Truthfully, ever since my clinicals during my senior year of high school, I knew this field of work was not right for me. I had invested so much time already in this pursuit and my best friends were also pursuing nursing, I lied to myself and chocked up those feelings to nerves.

I'm not lying to myself anymore. I know nursing is not for me. I cancelled all my college courses and quit my job to get a fresh start. It takes a lot to admit the course your on is the wrong one.

That was the biggest change I've made in the past six months; not cleaning my room. My dad reminded me that I do have the capacity for genuine change.

Here I am now. I need to have structure. That's something I learning from my hospitalization. Structure is good. In the past I've set my goals far too big and unrealistic. Now, I'm making a change and doing something I haven't done before:

My schedule consists of waking up at 7:00 AM, showering right after I wake up, and going to bed at 10:00 PM. My goal is to do this for one day, tomorrow. I'll update you tomorrow at around the same time I posted this, letting you know how I did at my goals.

Truly, I'm changing my life with that simple goal. For the first time, I'm trying something completely different.

I'm rebuilding my life from the ground up.