I have had my share of self medicating. Once I finally saw a pdoc and got a dx and meds the self medicating stopped. I understand this is not true for everyone, this may be one of the few areas I lucked out on. Unfortunately since I won't let myself go down the percocet train again I have turned to very very old coping mechanisms like purging and cutting.

I was in AA for about 6 months and learned more there than on any therapist couch.

That agitated feeling you are having is awful, I know. I hope somehow you are able to quickly pop out of this cycle you are in. And yes, it sucks when you both want to party and destroy at the same time. For me that often includes men who are not my husband.