Thanks again everyone for you posts. I really feel supported and that helps immensely. It is only through posting this and reading your posts that I am beginning to see I have a serious problem. This is a good start. Last night I deliberately had no alcohol in my house but caved and drove to get some. I am going to need better strategies than that. Using mindfulness when having cravings is a good idea.

Right now I feel quite 'normal', not hypomanic or mixed so it is easy to believe I will be able to stop but I know as the day passes and I get into a mixed state (as has been the pattern the last month) it will become a whole lot harder. My therapist says I need the mixed states treated to help me stop drinking. I am seeing my pdoc in 10 days so I will go though what has been going on with him and see what he suggests. My therapist is also helping me in the interim. I see him weekly. It is quite scary, the thought of not drinking, I can feel a deep resistance to stopping. I am going to have to apply all of the coping strategies I have learnt and learn new ones too.

Thanks again everyone for your support.