Well I just called the suicide hotline. Not because I'm suicidal, just because I'm hopeless and hurting. I'm torn not between two options, but emotionally. I keep tearing up because I don't see any way out of this any time soon. My PDoc made it black and white. I read a lot of literature and always seek wisdom through it and all I can think of if this passage on feeling and what Ill be missing:

Margaret

So, you don’t believe?


Faust

Sweetest being, don’t misunderstand me!

Who dares name the nameless?

Or who dares to confess:

‘I believe in him’?

Yet who, in feeling, 3435

Self-revealing,

Says: ‘I don’t believe’?

The all-clasping,

The all-upholding,

Does it not clasp, uphold, 3440

You: me, itself?

Don’t the heavens arch above us?

Doesn’t earth lie here under our feet?

And don’t the eternal stars, rising,

Look down on us in friendship? 3445

Are not my eyes reflected in yours?

And don’t all things press

On your head and heart,

And weave, in eternal mystery,

Visibly: invisibly, around you? 3450

Fill your heart from it: it is so vast,

And when you are blessed by the deepest feeling,

Call it then what you wish,

Joy! Heart! Love! God!

I have no name 3455

For it! Feeling is all:

Names are sound and smoke,

Veiling Heaven’s bright glow.


Margaret


That’s all well and good, I know,

The priest says much the same, 3460

Only, in slightly different words.