"Do you want help or not?" I have asked myself that question more then once. And even now, after about 5 years of dedication to the effort to get better I had that question come up again. I had a therapy session on thursday and I told my T about my last self injury episode. She wanted to see what I did. I was extremely reluctant to show her so she had me explore the feelings behind why I was afraid to show her. It all came down to the fact that if I bring it out, fully out into the open then I will have to do something about it. Part of me doesn't want to do anything about it. Like you said, it is my friend. It has helped me for years to cope with the uncopeable. It has helped me survive. In her office, with her as a witness, I decided to take yet another step toward helping myself. I showed her my injuries and told her what I did.

Of course you want help. If you didn't you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be seeing all the doctor's you see. You wouldn't be trying as hard as you do to understand what it is that is happening to you. But it sounds as if you are like me in that there is a part of you that doesn't want to let go. It isn't something to be ashamed of or kept hidden. It is a fact that you will have to face in order to move past it.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying