I've previously posted about my inability to break a pretty low threshold on the bench press - 115-125-135. I have done 135 for 2 reps ONCE, and that was about 9 months ago. I've done 125 a few times, 1-3 reps. 115 seems like my upper limit on any regular basis, and even that can be a real struggle at times. I can do it, but not with the ease I think I should. I struggle with about 50 in an overhead press, on the lat pulldown my limit seems to be about 90. I can't lift my full body weight on a chin up/pull up. You get the picture.

A couple of years ago, one of the ways I was going to "change" and "fix myself" was to bulk up and become really strong and really tough. And when I felt I wasn't progressing at any kind of rate like I wanted to, it did bother me.

I don't think I am physiologically capable of being "that guy". I've hung around enough bodybuilders/weightlifters to know that what they do just doesn't seem feasible to me. The first and second strength trainers I worked with were both bodybuilders, and did things to me that seemed amazing - 300, 400, even 500 pound lifts in various movements. And I wanted that to be me. Granted, I know they were lifting a couple of hours a day, I was doing 3-6 hours a week of strength training - it was relatively easy for them, working a personal trainers, they had easy access and plenty of opportunity. I had many other things going on in my life, and it wasn't realistic to even begin to put those kinds of hours into it.

I don't know, maybe if I could put 2-3 hours every day into strength training, something would "kick in" and I would bulk up and get the kind of physique and muscle definition I see in those guys. Of course, they are also half my age, and I don't see too many men in middle age that look like that - but there are a few at my gym, so it can happen. And I thought it should happen for me, but I had concerns about it, too, wondering if my body type could be trained into that - you see, I feel that I'm "in-between" in terms of my build and musculature - I'm not thin and lithe like a runner, but I'm not bulked up with a large frame like a bodybuilder. I'm "in-between".

As recently as a month ago, the fact I wasn't getting where I thought I should be in terms of ability or physique bothered me.

But then, something has changed. I am really making progress in cardio-based endurance exercises, swimming and running. It has suddenly "clicked in" for me. And I was already great at cycling (well, my speed still needs some improvement, but that is mostly because I am a "scardy cat" when it comes to wiping out and I tend to overcompensate and be too slow and cautious on turns and under certain conditions).

So, after having several conversations with an endurance trainer and several endurance athletes, it occurred to me that I have serious potential there to do what I want to do, which is be the kind of athlete I wanted to be as a kid, when the opportunity was denied to me. I have been routinely riding near century rides every weekend, and 10-30 mile training rides close to daily in season the past 2 years.

If the "average person" were told that they had to ride 10 miles on a bike, they probably would view it as almost impossible. If someone said to me "let's ride a 100 miles" I would be "cool, when do we leave?" 100 miles for me is a rush. Yeah, I'm a little tired afterwards, but an hour of rest and I'm ready to go about my day. I can ride 100 miles early in the morning, put in a full Saturday of household and yard chores, and then go out that evening and ride another 30-40-50.

It took the confidence of succeeding at my first 5K to make me realize that a lot of the things holding me back were psychological -fears, conflicts, whatever, and not physical. The physical issues, asthma, a couple of other things, I can deal with, and I'm getting pretty good control of them, to the point that they are not significantly interfering.

I am coming to the view that I don't have to worry that I'm not ever going to look like a bodybuilder. I think I can be an endurance athlete and meet all of my personal/physical/psychological goals through that.