that my T (male) is expecting a child in a few months

found out b/c i have been on a holiday break, feeling very depressed, and googled his name to try and get to his website, feel connected

and up came baby registry

i feel terrible that i found it
i feel terrible that i'm not happy at all...
wondering how it will affect me
feeling like probably i will be forgotten entirely
wondering if now is the time to just terminate
don't think i can deal with it
don't think i can deal with the sadness
knowing he has all of this 'stuff' in his life i don't...a successful career, friends, a new home, and now a child

how ungrateful i am
i feel like i can't even look at him...

**** i am such a loser.