I'm sorry you are in such a difficult place Gem It is completely understandable to be feeling so awful with so much going on for you. I can only imagine how hard this is.....

I completely understand having trouble holding on when your boy is away......I too have struggled and still do with that. What can you do to keep him close in your thoughts? I finally figured that if I looked at a photo of my boy on my phone it grounded me very quickly. Maybe that will help?

It is great to have such a good team supporting you! Is respite an option now? Would that help? Having someone available to talk or just be there 24/7 for support could be useful. Keep reaching out to crisis as often as you need....you can always ask to go in any time if there are beds.

You can do this hun, and we are here to listen and offer support as often as you need also. Sending you kind caring supportive I'll be sending positive vibes out for you too.