Dam I've got a whole week to have that phrase going round in my head...after our session today and me saying I just don't get the break next week that it feels like shes abandoning me, though T said she understood that, when I said ok then, why are you having a break next week? T said "because I want too" she said that I'm trying to make it that its something about me that is making her take a break, that way I can fix it or control her or change her mind, but by her doing it because she wants too means I am powerless...

I know I've taken these words the wrong way, that I am perceiving them to be mean and cruel, when infact T was showing a healthy attitude to self care..but still...I guess the child in me and stamping feet and pouting because she just can't effect T.....I said to T but can you still take a break and care? T said yes, but I said I don't get that....she said she knows that...

I dunno I need this put another way I think coz it hurts....it brings up feelings of real powerlessness and abandonment...I also feel she was angry at me and was saying "BECAUSE I WANT TOO" yes caps for shouting...but she wasn't angry but I feel she was...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dam a week with thsi going round in my head....I think I'm afraid that she may withdraw her care and I'm afraid I've upset her and and and and I'm so co-dependent I think I should be shot