no appointment set yet......it is complicated....waiting for her look over and return some questions before i making an appointment.

......i'm not even sure my therapist really wants me to come back......she may say she does, but i wonder if in her heart she really wants me to come back.

probably not fair to assume that of her and i don't assume it is true....i just think it is a possibility because i'm very difficult to work with. at least, it seems that way because my emotional defense system is so confusing and complicated (even to me) that we are having the hardest time breaking through to really fix what the heck is wrong with me, or at least see something inside that will show me it is okay to to stop me from loathing myself and start me loving myself. it is very frustrating and she may want to stop. even though it was my decision to take a break, i'm not sure she is ready for me to return from break.