I don't think that is the person you are... Sounds to me like you are a person who hasn't received much in the way of the gentle loving care and support that you needed. Throughout most of my childhood and teenage years and early adult hood I hated myself pretty badly. Turns out... I was mostly in an environment that was really toxic for me. Could have been perfectly fine for a different kind of kid... One with a LOT of a thicker skin... But it wasn't alright for me. Sensitive person that I was.

I know they say 'you can't change the world, so just worry about yourself' and 'I'm starting with the man in the mirror' and all that... But sometimes the solution really is to make a small, localised change in the environment. That can help you... Change... As you reflect things back to the world.

It is like how if you eat good, wholesome food then your body starts to reflect that back.

Can you make a list of things that you do like about yourself... What do you think are your nicest / best features? What things do you enjoy the most? Do you have little pockets where you feel happier?

Then think about how some of that stuff can be magnified to take over more of your life.