I've spent more time since my diagnosis self medicating than actively seeking/participating in treatment. That's the majority of the last six years either high, drunk, seeking to get high or drunk, or in a deep, guilty depression for my actions while self medicating! It's a terrible reality of what the disorder we and all share provides... You are definitely not alone.

I find that alcohol significantly accelerates my mania... just one shot of liquor jams the gas peddle down on many aspects of my mania-- over confidence, sociability, and hypersexuality, especially. I often find that how I act when manic is how many "normal" people may act while under the influence of alcohol or party drugs, and so when I self medicate, the first stage is EXTREME in your face mania... But the more I consume, the more suppressed those emotions become, and I often spiral into a full dissociative and delusional depressive state.

Is this the first time you've found yourself self medicating? Or does it happen often?