Well, one of my erstwhile "beaus" says that he has "written me off" because I told him I just wanted to be pals, but then used the word "date" to refer to our meeting at an ice cream parlor tomorrow, and that I'm therefore giving him "mixed signals."

I haven't gone out with men in more than 16 years. Back story: I went out on my first "date" in 16 years to meet a man in a coffee shop with whom I'd struck up an online acquaintance. Man 2 came up to our table when we talking, exchanged #s, etc. Last week, started calling, emailing. We had a nice phone conversation. Made plans to meet for ice cream tomorrow.

2 more phone calls that I did not return. I explained in an email (truthfully) that (a) my cell phone had been turned off and (b) I had to work that evening and was suffering from lupus-related fatigue. Thought he might not like the boundaries.

Like many of us, he is struggling in life -- no steady work, not even a car.

Having to monitor my vocabulary before we've even gotten to know each other is too stressful for me. But it is very hard not to internalize this as "I'm a loser who doesn't know how to get along in life" instead of "His problem, don't make it mine."

Feedback from anyone?