[QUOTE=Supanova;4219963]Im going between depressed and suicidal. I missed my pdoc appointment yesterday cos I was crying too much to drive all that way and had no one to take me. Not to mention I got booted by a horse so Im sat with ice on feeling more sorry for myself.

I dont want to drink anymore but I dont want to feel like this. PRN (5mg ativan, 5-10mg wafers of zyprexa) does nothing at the moment. I cant get any drugs, I cant even leave the house. I cant call lifeline cos they send the cops, I cant contact any of my mates as they are all at work.

Sorry to whinge on your thread, feeling hopeless.[/QUOTE

So sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Feel free to whinge all you want on this thread if it helps. You are not alone. We are here for you. When are you seeing your pdoc or T next? You really need to be evaluated asap. Are you safe? That is the most important thing at the moment. I have times where I can pour meds down my throat (in safe amounts) and have it not even touch my symptoms. It means you are going through a bad episode. Please call a help line if you are in any danger. Having the police come over is much better than the alternative. Take care