I had a horrible nightmare last night that i was trying to put on my shabbos skirt and it wouldnt even fit over my legs and everyone was watching me andwhispering about how much weight i gained

I FEEL the fat on me! Its like how i feel when a huge dog is barking and running at me and i have nowhere to hide. Like how my heart feels like its melting and the whole world stops moving for a second and i almost black out and all that my brain can register is fear. Thats how i feel about the fat on my body now

I'm really freaking out about my weight. I need to lose at least 10 pounds

And its really hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to be able to again