Guilloche -
I know for me, the problem with wanting to get better is: what does "better" actually mean? I often compare myself to other people my age. I didn't finish college, I don't have a job, I don't even have my own means of transportation, I'm not married, I don't have kids, I don't own a house, I'm not financially independent, etc. And when I compare myself to my T (because she's one year younger)... geez I feel like a loser. But my T reminds me that she didn't go through the things I have gone through, and if she had, her life would be different. So I have to figure out what "better" and "successful" means to me. That's difficult when there is no defined course or examples or goals. So I can relate to feeling kinda lost in therapy.

About the typical coping methods for SI: they irritate me so much! Stick your hand in a buck of ice, snap a rubber band, draw on yourself with a red marker, etc. Yeah. Been there, done that. It's not the same. And just like any other addiction, you won't quit until you decide to for yourself. And when you do decided, you will have coping skills that are tailored to meet your needs. My coping skills for SI are the same coping skills I use for everything else. None of it is simulated SI. The only coping skill I use specifically for SI is tattooing, but again it's not simulating SI... it's a visual deterrent.

I will never condone or condemn SI. I do think it can be dangerous and at some point needs to stop. But telling someone to quit doesn’t help. And I know from personal experience, a coping skill even if unhealthy, is better than no coping skill. It isn't something anyone should be ashamed about. It has helped you survive. But it isn't helping you improve your life.

My T actually told me something interesting: another perspective. People normal think that you have to get your life "better" and then you will give up the SI (or other addiction). But by practicing these unhealthy coping skills you are causing yourself to live an unhealthy life. You are punishing yourself, hurting yourself, and holding yourself back. She said it much better than what I wrote, so I hope the point comes across right.

Actually, totally side topic, but related. It was always believed that you had to get the homeless to be healthy before they would be able to live a healthy life off the streets. But Utah did it backwards: they gave the homeless homes Give the Homeless Homes

If you don't want to work on the SI, then you don't have to tell your T about it. It's not a "requirement" for treatment. Well, maybe it is for your T, but it doesn't have to be for you. When I first lived at a board and care, they told me no more SI. Well, I didn't listen. When they found out, I got sent to a crisis house. They let me come back, but told me if I did it again, I would be kicked out. Did I listen? Nope. I just got more creative It is an expectation that I tell my T if I SI, but it's because we made a deal that we would both be open and honest. There is also an expectation that I don't SI anymore, and that was because last time it turned into SUI attempt. It's too dangerous for me to do it anymore.

If you do decided to tell your T, even if you don't want to stop, it doesn't mean you're attention seeking. You are just being honest. Attention seeking would be doing it in front of him or doing it to cause a reaction. Which btw wouldn't be considered true SI at that point. SI is done in private, not in front of anyone. And SI is done to make you feel better, not to manipulate anyone. So by telling anyone about it doesn't mean you're attention seeking. In fact, here a perfect example: Is you or anyone else on this forum who say they SI seeking attention? Or are you/they seeking support and help? It might not be support to quit, but support for the underlying pain and suffering. True? You should be allowed to tell your T anything or nothing. It's your therapy. My only advice is to make sure that your decision is made in your best interest.

Is the fear of being seen as "attention seeking" because of the stigma of SI, or because you happen to SI and also want attention/to feel cared about? Again, SI and attention seeking are two different things. But I understand the fear of stigmas. With my BPD, I always fear people seeing me as manipulative, a liar, having poor boundaries, anger problems, having to "walk on eggshells". I spend way too much time worrying about avoiding the stigma that I deny myself the freedom to seek the support I need and wind up not being able to fully express myself (as in the current situation with my Pdoc).

And wanting support is a good thing. Reaching out for support is a good thing. Neither of these are attention seeking. Manipulation in order to get support is. I don't think that's you at all because of all your posts I've read and by the mere fact you are concerned about being perceived as such.

I hope that helps some I know things are easier said than done and often times emotions override logic. But maybe even just knowing that you're not alone and not "crazy" () helps?