I am 27 I am a bodybuilder even though I seriously lack motivation (if that makes any sense). I don't even know where to start, I have so many questions. I had visited a few psychologists because I refuse to take meds. I also have been reading deeply into free will, and if we actually have it or not. I have social anxiety (walk in public with hands in my pockets or holding my phone or keys). I have a very high sex drive as well, it's hard to stay loyal in relationships, but not impossible. I feel I am doomed to life, I have made money through ads on the Internet for quite some time now, I just started college recently because while I'm making money im not making enough. I see everyone else improving and buying houses and cars etc, and im just stuck in the muck because I let my anxiety control my life. I feel so lazy, it's hard to be motivated and I blame my parents for that. They cleaned up and did a lot for me(not a bad thing), they were great parents as well. But they didn't push me enough to do stuff as a child so I kind of think that im screwed, this is genetic and I'll always be like this because Nothing has changed so far. I am in love with this woman I am with, she's older than me by 10 years. I am scared if I don't do something soon then I will lose her and eventually end up alone for the rest of my life because of my fear of public and to work in public. I have worked in public before but I always quit because I just do not like it. I would be more
Comfortable working labor. I feel I cannot help this as free will doesn't exist and I am responsible for my past actions which has made me the person I have become. I guess I just want some people to talk to about. I don't want to take medication because I have a lively happy personality that I don't want to lose. I've seen it change people and sadly, mostly for the worst. I have a dream, I love bodybuilding. I have a very gifted aesthetic physique I want to pursue a career in fitness, however I lack motivation and sometimes I get really motivated about stuff and then after a few days I just fall off with it. Sorry if my punctuation is off its 4am.