I see my T today and I'm afraid of the intimacy! In my last session I felt loved by her; it was a very deep connection. I also felt love for the baby/child part who needs that love. It was intense and healing.

But today I feel like pulling away from those scary love feelings. I'm afraid that my T will disappoint me and I'll get hurt. I had a weird email reaction too. I asked for help with something and she emailed back right away. I emailed back that I had an uh oh feeling of crossing boundaries and I didn't want her to email me again. So she didn't, and that was last Tuesday. I see her every 2 weeks.

My relationship with my T is the closest and best it's been in the 5 years of therapy. I trust her, and I've internalized her caring. I don't want to sabotage it today! I will tell her what I'm feeling, of course. I don't know why I'm so afraid of feeling so good, or maybe I'm afraid of love. There's shame about it. Idk, I'm afraid because T cares, and afraid that she doesn't care enough and I'll be hurt. I'm afraid of the feeling of love on both sides. It scares me terribly!!!