Feeling closeness or a connection with someone is something most desire. It's a very natural thing. But when you add in things like abandonment, rejection, negative childhood (or even adult!) experiences, it makes that closness feel scary. That's where transference and attachment come into play.

I love the care, safety, and security that my T provides me. It sustains me, strengthens me, comforts me. But the fear is lossing that and the pain that comes with the loss. For me the fears come from all my past experiences with abandonment. For you, it's from your relationship with your mom (aand possibly others).

Many people here have claimed I suffer from transference. The difference between transference and attachment is that my feelings, fears, thoughts are not based off of a specific person or a person's role. It was many years ago related to my mom, but I've worked through that. My fears are based off of my general experiences with relationships. People have abandoned me. Many many people. So I fear my T will do the same.

Anyways, sorry for the side track. I think it hurts because you fear the loss or fear that its not authentic. But I think through therapy, we learn to love and comfort ourselves so that we can handle such losses more easily. It's not as traumatic. But it requires us to let someone in to care for us while we learn. It's scary. But it's worth it. It has to be worth it. I believe that there has to be a better way to live life then to be in fear. And if that means I have to struggle to get to that point, then I will struggle...just for the hope of something more.