I think you are right, I think a lot of these articles are aimed at parenting small children - I guess because that's where the foundations of behaviour and self discipline begin?? I do think that there is an underlying need behind most unwanted behaviour though, even if it is to push boundaries... find limits, act out anger etc.

I also think that there is a difference between natural/logical consequences that happen as a result of behaviour but aren't used in a punitive way, and consequences that are simply punishments disguised. A mom I met described a situation she was in, where her 4 year old daughter would not get dressed for school, so the mom took her in her underwear and seemed quite vitriolic about how embarrassed her daughter was and how 'she'll never do that again'. She said that this was a 'natural consequence', but really, she used shame to punish her daughter into obedience. Others in the group said that they would have got her dressed, because as parents, it's our job to maintain the boundaries in a respectful way... to model respect, even when our kids are anything but respectful. That doesn't mean we can't feel or show anger by the way.

My own example of a natural consequence is when my son decides to draw on the wall - sometimes he forgets that he isn't supposed to, sometimes he seems to do it on purpose, like today. I try to remain calm but I don't tolerate it. I will remind him what he can draw on, and provide it. Remind him that walls are not for drawing on - if he continues, I will take his pens/crayons away and explain why I need to do that. But I wouldn't say 'I'm taking these away because you are naughty etc', I would explain again why I don't want the walls drawn on and try to empathise with him if he's upset.

I'm using examples to illustrate the point - I only have 3.5 years experience of being a parent, though a lot more experience of being a child

Hexacoda - I used to think that if I got everything right early on, I would have a perfectly behaved child! Now i think it's almost the opposite, my child is secure enough to act out and push boundaries... and all of that is perfectly healthy. I, on the other hand, was a pretty 'good' and obedient child, who was insecurely attached and received quite a harsh, authoritarian style of parenting. And as you say, kids are individuals, it isn't all about how we are as parents.