Quote:
Originally Posted by healed84
I had a realization this evening.. (thank you hot shower and no kids to interrupt). I think the reason why I am so stuck on T's comments on Friday is because I am having a different reaction to them. My go to, "safe" I am in control reaction is.. I am angry and I am going to tell you all about it. This time, the comments hurt me. The reason why that is so significant is because in order for me to let people's words hurt me I have to give a heck as to what they are saying. T's words hurt me because that means I do value what he has to say- and to share that with him seems to put me in a very vulnerable place.
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And you have proven to yourself that you can survive those feelings of vulnerability. It didn't kill you... You survived. For me each time that happened for me was practice for surviving being somewhat vulnerable with other people.
The hardest part for me though is letting myself feel vulnerable in the presence of another person. I would plan to go into my past T and tell him how I felt to share my feelings...but it usually comes out as accusatory defensive etc.
So I learned that I had to share the news..Would tell the T not to talk...then I would say I was upset about something you said and this is what I learned about myself from it and discuss that first...then I could maybe handle resolving the issue first.
Hope you can figure out a way for you to be able to talk about what you learned about yourself before you get mired down in the linguistics of what he said, how he said it and what his intentions where.