i know you know you are beating yourself up. and on both your issues you point out that your scores would have qualified you anyway so you have the right to be there so you have attempted to convince yourself otherwise. you just have set your moral bar so high that you are unable to forgive yourself.

i am a professional and ethics are part of my profession. they guide my profession actually. but they are ethical guidelines meaning they are open for interpretation. different situations mean things need to be handled differently. there are exceptions to every rule. you state that connections are most important in your country. that is an exception to the rule. you followed the rule of your country. you did what needed to be done in order to get into school to become the best professional you can be.

this is where CBT comes in and learning to look at things differently. you are using catastrophic thinking when labeling what you have done as a crime. this is a thinking error. focus instead on making the best of your advantages and giving back to society because of what you have gained. take joy in giving. it will be your penance in a way.