Its that whole internal conflict that I can so relate to. You are trying your hardest but still feel you are not making the grade and it hurts. You want to be better, want other people to see how hard you are trying, but when you make a mistake you beat yourself up until you can see no other option but to give up. If this is how you feel then I get it. Realize that your thoughts are not portraying the real you, that the ruminations are not real, and try to use your mindfulness and other techniques to calm your nervous system. When the ruminations take over, control them with positive affirmations and drowned out the negative thoughts. Most of all, don't give up, especially on yourself. A bad day and possibly a bad week does not mean you are worthless, nor does a bad day equal a bad life.